SHALLY ELVIS STECKERL ON NLP
CH: Hey, Shally. How are you.
CH: It's The Canadian Headhunter.
CH: We had an appointment for 11? I'm the Recruiting Animal. On the internet. We were going to talk about NLP.
Shally: Well, I don't know if I should.
CH: Why not?
Shally: I'm not an expert.
CH: You're not? Don't you use it?
Shally: I use it and I don't.
CH: I don't get you.
You Don't Always Need NLP
Shally: I use it sparingly. It's not something that you want to use on a regular basis because it is a persuasive tactic and I believe that you want people to make their own decisions.
NLP is all about breaking down communication barriers by establishing trust.
If I want to swim in your pool, I could mention the idea and see if you're open to it. Or, I could manipulate you into agreeing to it even though it's something you don't feel comfortable doing. And, later on you might feel resentment.
That doesn't mean that using it is unethical. It's like any other weapon. Being able to use a firearm doesn't give you the right to use it indiscriminately. It means you should use it in certain situations.
Master blackbelts are less likely to get into fights than junior martial artists. Because the confidence you get from knowing that you can fight well if you have to makes you willing to try softer methods before you bring out the big guns.
And, knowing that you can establish trust with NLP may give you the confidence to do so without it. The confidence, itself, can establish trust.
Also, you don't have to make deliberate use of NLP because, to some extent, it permeates your natural communication style.
NLP Is Natural
Babies learn to deal with other people before they can speak. If you learn that a pouty face works with your mother, you might still do that in meetings later on to show that you don't like what is going on.
Non-verbal signaling is part of NLP just like scowling. A "tell" when you're playing cards is also an NLP type signal.
Match, Distract & Ask for what you want
You can't use physical signals over the phone so, in telephone elicitation, you match timbre, cadence and pace. These mirroring tactics allow you to put yourself into another person's communication environment.
If I start talking slower and softer, the pace of the conversation is going to change. And, if you're the kind of person who likes to think things through before you speak, you are going to identify with what I am saying.
That's what makes people comfortable. And then you can step up the pace and they will start to follow you. Then you can ask certain questions and you are more likely to get an answer.
You develop rapport and take the conversation away from anything that might make them nervous. And, then, when rapport is established, you ask for what you want and you are more likely to get it.
Mirroring (Matching) is the key
Matching is normal human behaviour. Lots of people do it automatically without having been trained. There is an example in every conversation. For instance, if someone gets excited and raises his voice, you will do so as well to some extent.
Matching is the key. You use it to overcome mistrust. You do have to establish mirroring first or you won't be persuasive.
Let's say you are asking a stranger for some information. You have 30 seconds to establish a relationship which is going to be very short lived. It's a minimal contact.
So, you use mirroring tactics to establish a connection with the people you speak to.
Matching is how you establish the foundation. Once you've mirrored, you can try to get a little piece of information as a test. If they give it to you, then you can ask another question.
You don't want the person to focus on things that might inhibit communication. So you distract them.
How? You might reveal a small bit of personal information to show your vulnerability. If they "attach" to it, you know you have rapport, so then you chit chat and you go back to the issue you're interested in.
Hey, is it a holiday in Canada today?
CH: Yeah, it is. And I was wondering if it was a holiday down there too.
Shally: See! That's an example. I took you right off track. This is the way to sidestep resistance.
In many kinds of conversations, you can't always give people the full story or even say, when asked, "It's confidential". But you don't have give a blatantly false answer either.
You can simply deflect a question via distraction or, if necessary, supply true but partial information.
Distractions are most likely to be required early in the day.
It's important to approach a person at the right time. And you often have to try more than once. The first couple of times it might be a bad day but if you try again you could get what you need. You might not get what you need today but you can get it tomorrow.
What Is NLP?: "It is difficult to define NLP because those who started it and those involved in it use such vague and ambiguous language that NLP means different things to different people... One common thread in NLP is the emphasis on teaching a variety of communication and persuasion skills."
Timbre: The part of a complex sound (like a voice) which makes it distinct from other sounds.
Cadence: The rhythm of a particular person's speaking style
Pace: The speed a particular person's speaking style.
Feint: A decoy action meant to lead an opponent into a vulnerable position.
Tell: A tell, in poker, is a change in a player's behavior or expression that gives clues about her hand.
END OF PART 1
I am the Canadian Headhunter and I approve of this posting.