Hi, welcome to Canada. And welcome to Career Carnivale
Please note that all submissions have been animalized for showcasing here with links to the originals provided below each entry.
What Makes a Lousy Job Hunter
1. You get up in the morning, read the paper, talk to your friends then spend the rest of the day on Twitter - trying to find a job.
2. You're boring. You deliver shopworn messages and when the response you get is "Girl, are you ho-hum!" you say "Did you just call me a ho?". (If they won't give you a job, you might as well sue them, right?).
3. You have so little respect for yourself that you're a little too easy when the employer tries to stick you with a low salary.
4. You only apply to jobs you find on job boards. The same jobs every nudnik is applying for. God forbid you should do some research and dig up an opportunity of your own.
I Pay My Boss
I don't like being managed so I work for myself. And, because I don't have a boss, I pay a coach to guide me. I hate strategy and he loves it so I pay him to strategize me. And, you know what? It's worth it.
So, don't be cheap. Invest in your career. And if you have a boss, use her the same way I use my coach and if you can't, get rid of her.
Turn Lemons Into Sour Lemonade
Danny had some crappy jobs when he was a teen. I did too. And I learned something from them -- that I hate work. But Danny's different. He learned to learn from the hard times.
- If you hate your job, learn self-motivation.
- If your colleagues are creeps, learn how to deal with creeps.
- If the economy falters and the dead wood gets cut, learn how to do your job so you don't get axed again.
USA: Ripe for Revolution?
Advice for the jobhunter in a bad economy: Take less money, drive farther, take a step back.
I'm worried about the current mood. The jobless see no light at the end of the tunnel and they're getting mad.
Mad at the big shots who got them into this mess and mad at the unemployment office that keeps them on hold for an hour and mad at the losers who bought houses they couldn't afford. Uh-oh. In 2010, will Washington resemble Teheran? Unthinkable.
Here's one from @BillBoorman. Bill's a Limey. You don't hear that term much anymore, do you? Wonder why?
When he's not eating egg and chips or putting down a Guiness, Bill teaches recruiters how to work properly. He's very concerned about not wasting time so he gave me a posting that he used on @JLipschultz blog just this past Monday. Sweet!
How To Get A Job Using Twitter
Write a few messages about your skills with a link to your Linkedin profile. Not many people are going to see them so you can repost often.
Send queries to recruiters just to get noticed. “Hey, Dude. I’ve always been interested in working at XYZ. Do you have any advice for me?”
Don't post when you're drunk. Google's going to pull that stuff up on reference checks and who's going to hire you then, you big goof. And don't use a dumb email address either. Like SmellyBelly@gmail.com. Grow up.
Hey, You, Hiring Manager: Don't Be a Dummy
“Hey, do you know a bilingual Recruiter for a part-time position who will work for $10.00 per hour?”
Fools Rush In
HR is scared of Social Media. It might expose damaging information about my company! Listen, friend, don't you know people are saying bad things about you already?
You gotta get in there and train your employees to twitter about your brand. Or do cus service on soc media, like Comcast.
She Drives Me Cravy
An Executive Resume can be 2, 3 or 4 pages long;
it doesn't matta! As long as:
- the first page is stand-alone.
- it's glimpse-able
- you showcase the value prop and
- you highlight take-aways
- The Value Prop answers: What's in it for me (in hiring you)?
- Take-aways: stuff that sticks in your mind
Recruiters tell Jacquie they crave what she offers.
I asked her for short and she delivered.
10 Free Job Search Resources Online.
Dave Manaster says JJ McClure is one tall drink of water.
So I condensed one of her taller tales.
Think Like A Recruiter
I wish I could help every one of you - I'm a nice person - but I can't. So find your own job. Here's how.
Look for clues about opportunities in newspapers and trade publications. Then get someone in your network to connect you with the right people.
To tap into your network you have to get a network. Go to networking and prof assoc meetings. Help people with referrals, then they'll help you.
Keep key contacts warm. Make sure they know what you do and the kind of contacts you want. If you write bland stuff like this - I'm open to any opportunity where I can utilize the many skills I have in any industry - you don't deserve a job.
Benny's the boss of this show. I sure hope he likes my work.
Get This Straight. You're Not All That
You think you're an expert but you're not. Let me say that again. You think you're an expert but you're not. You know what you are? You're a nobody, a small fish in a big pond and I'm going to prove it.
There’s a new old wive's tale going round that says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. Reading a book and talking big, that won’t do it. A few years of casual practice, that won’t do it. How much practice does it take to be an expert: 10 hours a week for 20 years.
And you know what? You're not going to do it. And you know why? Because you don't want to be an expert. You want to be a big shot. But here's my advice Mr Big Shot: give it up. Give-it-up. Because being a phony expert, that won't make you happy.
I used to be an expert but now I''m not and I'm happier for it. It's no fun having to defend a title you're not fit to hold
But remember this: Your dreams are your ticket out. Your ticket out of a life of mundane hell. And you don't have to be an expert to follow that dream. A lot less than 10,000 hours is bound to make you happy.
Thanks for reading everybody. If you want to be the host of the next Career Carnivale, heeeeere's Benny. Talk to him.