Do Not Declare Your Awesomeness says Jerry Jeff Hunter.
You've read that, in business, people respect bold, assertive visionaries who can create the future. That might be true. But if you come out and tell someone you're bold and assertive let alone a visionary, she'll think you're a fool, a nut or a bore.
How do I know? In The Breakup, when Jennifer Aniston's date does nothing but talk about himself, she thinks he's an insensitive (can I say this?) boob.
I didn't see this chick-flick but Jerry Jeff Hunter did and that's what he said happened. And, according to him it proves the wisdom of the wallflower who has nothing to say and is only too ready to leave the talking to someone else. Here's Jerry:
Relationship skills are always the key to closing the deal. And rule #1 of any relationship is that you show a genuine interest in the other person by asking questions about him and listening closely to the answers.
According to Jerry the bold and brash business person is a narrow-minded, difficult, "self-absorbed braggart". And not only that but a "narcissistic know-it-all", as well.
At least now we know why he goes to chick-flicks. He's the sensitive type. What Ronna Lichtenberg calls a Pink Personality. That doesn't mean anything about his political orientation but only that he is not task-oriented or, rather, not as task-oriented as the Driver who doesn't take relationships into account as an essential part of any team effort or personal transaction.
The opposite of the Pink is the Blue. And that's not someone who is depressed but a person who doesn't care if your hair is good or your tie matches your suit or even what kind of weekend you had. With a Blue, it's all business.
Ronna says that in the past, men did business but let their secretaries or wives guide them through the relationship issues because, according to Ronna, women are better at that sort of thing. Which might make it reasonable to take your mother or your wife to a job interview so she can kick you under the table when it's time to stop talking about your accomplishments and be polite. For, according to Jerry:
Your job in a relationship is to turn the other person into an advocate for you... So what do you do? Ask questions that show that you are listening.
Ask why the interviewer works at the company.
Then ask a follow-up that shows you heard the answer.
When the interviewer says something you like, say so and explain why.
But, here's where Jerry errs:
The interviewer will know that she isn't “being pitched”, that your natural enthusiasm for the conversation is a clear indication of who you are and what you like.
Inotherwords, Jerry sees the interviewer as a sucker for flattery. Don't worry about your accomplishments. All you have to do is pretend to be interested and this naive bumpkin will fall into your palm like a ripe pear.
I've seen this point of view touted from the other side as well. The interviewer says, "If she's made it this far, I can assume that she's got the skills. All I have to do is decide if she's nice."
But, buddy, I'm telling you, that's wrong. The question to be asking is, "Where's the beef?" Because who's been doing the selection so far? A bunch of know-nothing recruiters and HR personnel who can't tell a hammer from a chopstick.
They scan the resume for buzzwords and if the candidate wants to feed them a slanted tale about the depth of his experience, they don't know enough to ascertain if it's true. But, supposedly, you do. So, you've got to ask the technical questions. Drill down deep into the candidate's specific experience for details, the value of which only you know.
I'm not saying that you should ignore personality. You don't want to hire someone who is going to go postal on you, do you? But when the hiring manager and candidate arrive at the interview both had better be prepared to go beyond the chit-chat and dig deep in the nitty-gritty.
