Here are the mistakes I made.
First, here is Show Number 1:
This was my main error: I didn't do any trial runs. As a result I wasn't ready for a couple of things. Number one was the silence.
It's not like I was completely unprepared. I had a monologue ready to introduce the show. I was going to dedicate it to Baby Liam Goldfinger, the Micromom's new kid. Then, I would tell you that recruiters' kids are a bit, how shall I put it, odd.
"You go over to Jay-Dee's house, " I was going to say, "and before you know it, a four-year-old is asking you, "Hey, how much are you making?.... I can get you better."
But, then, the cue came on and nothing happened. I was sitting here just as before -- in total silence. Total silence. I'm used to talking to myself. I do it all the time. But I'm not used to talking to nobody.
There's a famous line in the bible which reminds me of what I felt then.
But Amasa did not notice the dagger in Joab's hand and he stabbed him with it under the fifth rib and he shed out his bowels on the ground.
I didn't lose control of my bowels. I lost control of my mind. I started saying my lines but they had no life in them. My brain was telling me "This is supposed to be patter." "I know," I said, "but I'm goin' down."
Okay, I told myself, go to the phones. But then problem number two arose. I didn't know how.
I had looked at the software a few days before and left it at that. The instructions said that the board comes alive when the show goes on so I figured that everything would be obvious to me. It wasn't.
So I had to start looking around for the controls. Finally I clicked on the link for the switchboard and a little screen came up. It showed a vertical line of microphones each one inside a red circle with an oblique slash across it. What was that supposed to mean? No smoking? I didn't know but in a panic, I clicked on one and, lo and behold, there was Steve Rothberg ready to go. And Carlton the Doorman, and Dave Manaster and the others. And we had a lot of fun.
I can't say I calmed down a hundred per cent. CM Russell said I was over-caffienated and Carlton the Doorman agreed. But, Jay-Dee, the only one who actually knows me, said he thought it was just the normal me.
Recommendations
The lesson here is obvious. If you know what you want to talk about, you don't have to get lost in preparation. That's not it. I just jumped in and I think that's good. But get a friend to help you run through it once before going public. You have to know what buttons to press.
The second lesson is: until you're used to talking in silence, go straight to the phones. And that's it.
