Why are women so negative about the "picking up women" school of thought?
Reply by: Gayle Laakmann McDowell (edited)
Most people who attend pick up classes are just awkward, nerdy guys who just want a girlfriend. But the classes are about getting laid.
They teach you how to pick up girls in bars. How many relationships do you know of that started in bars? If you want a girlfriend, sign up for an online dating site. Start dating! Statistically speaking, bars don't work.
- They were telling guys things like:
- Touch a girl when she talks to you.
- Criticize a girl (sorry, I mean "neg").
- When a girl seems uninterested, she's just playing games.
- Don't talk about "real" topics, like education and your job. They're too "boring".
- No woman is out of your league.
Touching can be creepy when the touching isn't natural.
And when you're telling an awkward, nerdy guy who has no idea how to flirt "okay, now, touch a girl here," it's almost always creepy.
(Personally, I don't like random guys at bars touching me. It makes me really uncomfortable.)
And then you're telling the guy to criticize the girl which is just plain mean.
And then, when the girl isn't interested, the guy is now being told, "oh, she's just trying to play games with you." He doesn't back off. Eww.
And all of this is ridiculous because sometimes, the girl is out of your league, or at least just isn't interested.
I'm 5'9 and I'm just not going to go home with a guy who is 5'3, goes by the nickname "Snake" (seriously?!?), overweight, pimply, and won't just answer a direct question about what he does for a living. But he keeps pursuing because, well, "I'm just playing games with him." I'm trying to see if he passes some test, apparently.
These are the sort of repeated interactions I had with guys in the PUA (Pickup Artist) community, and why I turned against it.
PUA instruction teaches guys mechanical ways of interacting with women which don't really work.
Sorry. Maybe it's because she's out of your league. Or maybe she's just not interested in you. Or maybe she just doesn't go home with random dudes from bars.
The words coming out of a women's mouth are not all a game. You can have actual conversations with us.
When I say "what do you do for a living?" it's because I actually care. Because I'm looking for someone to build a relationship with, and someone with no career goals is not a good match for me. Answer the question.
Conversation is not all a giant game. When I'm not interested, it's because I'm not interested. Not because I'm putting some sort of girl test in front of you.
So that's why I'm against it. Because, beyond just giving men the courage to approach women, the instruction is harmful to the guys.