Love should not control, condemn, judge, or even intervene but simply accept, receive, give, and attend.
Nonetheless, someone who loves you may enact her love in a manner which you legitimately find offensive. It is a mistake to believe, however, that actions can prove the absence or presence of love. While cruelty and rage are not expressions of love, they do not prove its non-existence.
By the time she was 12 she had rejected religion, but it had already left another indelible mark, the "real cliche, the sense of guilt. You grow up believing that you're wrong and bad. And for me, because I took what I was told really seriously, it bred a very intense habit of introspection and self-examination and a terrible severity with myself. So that nothing was ever good enough. It's like installing a policeman, and one moreover who keeps changing the law."